Parkinson’s Gave Me Freedom

Getting Parkinson’s isn’t something I would wish on anyone, but it did gift me the freedom to not excel. It forced me to get off the hamster wheel I was on. I have never been happier.

Using golf as an example, I went from being a somewhat average golfer, to one who isn’t too bad considering he has Parkinson’s. Every good shot I make is due to athletic ability. Every bad shot is courtesy of Parkinson’s.

I started thinking about the idea of not needing to excel when I came across the following quote from Mark Cuban — “Work like there is someone working 24 hours a day to take it all away from you.”

C’mon Mark, that is just stupid advice. No one can really think that leading a paranoid existence is a good idea, and yet while my behaviour wasn’t that intense, I did spend much of my working life leaning that way.

Today, I am almost entirely over the need to excel while I am awake, but my Parkinson’s intensified nightmares are almost all work related and primarily about a lack of preparedness, or generally not knowing what I am doing.

Here is a synopsis from last night: I was recruited into a new job in the southern US. I met my new boss, and he sat me in front of a computer and told me to get at it. I wouldn’t admit I didn’t know what to do. He just left me saying he would be back in a few days. I was trying to figure out the data entry screen, when the guy sitting at a neighbouring desk told me he needed me to input false data about a shipment of hazardous goods. I refused, so he threatened to kill me. I walked outside to think about it and ended up in a sawmill yard. My boss was there and asked me what I was doing — I still didn’t tell him, but I was extremely anxious. Next, we were in an office having greasy pizza for lunch along with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I was angry they had no good food (sorry New Jersey). The story fizzled out with me getting in a car and starting to make the long drive home.

The night before, I was in a convention hall. I was on stage taking a stand against injustice that no one in the crowd agreed with. I don’t recall what that was, but I was absolutely sure I was on the right side. The crowd came after me physically, and only a few were protecting me. Even the ones protecting me disagreed with me. I ended up physically having to fight people off. My phone went flying off the nightstand which woke me up.

In these two nights I covered off at least half a dozen jobs I’ve had as well as some personal work I am doing now in support of BC First Nations. I am ok with the latter, but I would like the nighttime version of me to drop the rest.

In my working days, I participated in many conversations about the importance of work/life balance. In hindsight, I should have focused on it more for myself. I don’t know that it would have changed many outcomes career wise, but I would be having happier dreams.

It didn’t take much searching to find other quotes similar to Mark Cuban’s. I have similar thoughts about them.

“Stay Uncomfortable.” Who doesn’t want that. The first image that came to mind was putting on a stiff pair of jeans fresh out of the dryer.

“You can only become great at that thing you’re willing to sacrifice for.” -Maya Angelou. If you are sacrificing, is it really a great thing?

“Don’t stop when you’re tired. Stop when you are done.” Sure — who needs sleep?… You do. A lack of sleep leads to increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and stroke. For those of you who say you will “sleep when you are dead”, the good news is you might not have to wait too long.

“If you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working on it.” More great advice. We should all strive for obsession.

I am lucky. Parkinson’s has freed the waking me from this thinking. Hopefully I will escape it in my dreams soon too.

Here is some more realistic advice to follow:

You don’t need to chase your passion, but you should find passion in what you are doing.

Life isn’t always going to go your way, but you need challenges to have a good life. Accept those that come your way.

Remember yesterday. Consider tomorrow. Live for today.

Be Kind.

Originally published at https://shakeitupdotonline.wpcomstaging.com on March 19, 2021.